Part Five

Disclaimer:  I do not own the Cartwright characters but they do linger in my mind, readily available whenever I choose to imagine.   My thanks to David Dortort for creating the Cartwright family.  I do claim MaryAnn Archer as she is described in this story.  She is my invention and she is worthy of my need to keep her safe.

1868 

It was a bitter cold day in the middle of January.  Adam smiled and tilted his hat at two ladies as he passed them on the boardwalk of Virginia City.  He didn’t hear their subsequent conversation.

“Karen, isn’t that Adam Cartwright who just walked by?  I heard he got married.”

“Yes, that was Adam.  He’s been married for about four months now and, from what I hear, he’s very happy.  I know you always liked him, Linda, but that’s what you get for moving away from Virginia City after we got out of school.  You missed your chance.”

Adam entered the Silver Spoon Cafe and was grateful for the blast of warmth that enveloped his tall, muscular, chilled body.  Patty Lou always kept her cafe a little on the warm side, a subtle invitation to her customers to shuck their coats and settle themselves for a nice, long, and leisurely meal.  Only a few customers were in the cafe now and this suited Adam just fine.  He threw a grin to Patty Lou behind the counter before making his way to his favorite corner table.

Patricia Louise, who had never broken free of her childhood nickname of Patty Lou, was an old friend of MaryAnn’s.  Adam liked and trusted her completely.  She had a sweet, honest disposition and was forever humming or singing little tunes to herself.  She even had the endearing quirk of answering someone’s question, then repeating her words again in a soft lilting tune, almost as if she were trying out different musical notes in her mind to find out which ones best suited these particular words.  Like MaryAnn, she had always been a voracious reader and she and Adam often loaned books to each other.  Adam had enormous respect for Patty Lou.

Patty Lou arrived at Adam’s table with a pot of freshly brewed coffee in one hand and a sturdy mug in the other.  She was a woman of short stature and delicate features, but she always served her coffee in large mugs with man-sized handles, handles large enough to accommodate all four fingers of a man’s hand.

Patty Lou didn’t realize how much Adam appreciated those coffee mugs of hers.  Coffee at the Ponderosa had always been and was still being served in those damned delicate-looking, rosy-flowered little thimbles that Little Joe’s mother had brought to the Ponderosa years ago.  Marie had long since passed away, but those cups were still there to haunt the red-blooded Cartwright men still trying to use them.  Once grown to manhood, there wasn’t one of the Cartwrights who could fit so much as one finger comfortably through what passed for a handle on those things.  Those cups, so favored by his father, had always greatly annoyed Adam.

Adam hid a grin as he fought back a memory of deliberately trying to break one of those cups when he was about 12 years old.  In a fit of temper, he had picked up one of the cups and thrown it hard at the wall in the kitchen.  That cup was deceiving.  It only looked delicate.  It bounced off the wall, fell to the floor, then chattered to a standstill with not so much as a chip on it.  Adam barely had time to scoop it up off the floor, replace it on the sideboard, and assume an air of innocence before his father charged into the room.

Patty Lou was now smiling at Adam in her gentle, easy-going manner.  She spoke quietly so her voice didn’t carry to anyone else across the room.  “Hey, Adam.  What’re you grinning about?  I don’t have a letter back from MaryAnn for you yet.”

“Hey yourself, Patty Lou.  Oh, I was just thinking about something.  In case I’ve never told you, I really like these mugs you serve your coffee in.  They make me feel…comfortable.”

Patty Lou laughed.  “It’s the coffee that’s supposed to be comforting, not the mug.”

Adam slid his fingers through the cup’s handle, looking pleased and thoroughly comforted.  He flashed one of his now-frequent canyon grins.  “Well, I didn’t expect a letter back from MaryAnn so soon anyway but something has come up and I need to send another letter to her.   Would you mind?”

“You know I don’t.  I’ll send her a little note of my own, along with your letter tomorrow.”

Patty Lou discretely took Adam’s sealed envelope and slipped it into her apron pocket.  She would place his sealed envelope along with her own note into a larger envelope, she would write MaryAnn’s address on it, and she would mail it tomorrow.  Virginia City might seem like a bustling establishment to most folks but it had a small-town mentality in many ways and, after all, Adam was now a married man.

When the envelope arrived in San Francisco, MaryAnn ripped open the outer envelope and quickly read the note from Patty Lou.  She then took Adam’s letter home with her and settled herself on her soft leather couch before opening his envelope and slowly beginning to read.

MaryAnn placed the letter beside her on the couch and looked out the window to the ocean where the sun was just beginning to drop below the horizon.

It felt like her stomach had just dropped into a pit and she caught a quick breath to steady herself.  Adam doesn’t remember what it’s like with a new baby in the house.  He doesn’t realize it yet but he’s not going to want to leave his baby long enough to come to San Francisco.

MaryAnn’s stomach fought its way back to level ground.  A baby?  It’s happening!  Adam is going to be a father.  A look of soft delight came into her face.

Then her stomach fell into the pit again.  I’m going to lose him.  With a sane wife to love and a new child and possibly more in his future, his life is going to get crowded very quickly.

Then, MaryAnn attempted to resign herself to her perception of their future.  Maybe I won’t have his presence any more but I’ll always have his love and he’ll always have mine.  Maybe just knowing that will be enough.

When MaryAnn went to bed that night, she knew she wouldn’t be getting much sleep.  Who am I kidding?  How can I give him up?  I love him so much and I have slept with him for so many years, I can’t just forget what I know.  My body can’t forget.  All I have to do is close my eyes and I see him.  I see his long legs that so perfectly intertwine with mine.  I see his narrow hips so naked against my own.  I see his sweet mouth, and his perfect nose.  And…that little hollow just above his collarbone that just cries out for my touch.  Who am I kidding?  I’ll never be able to forget.  My body will always ache for his.  I could no more change that than I could grow wings and fly.

MaryAnn wrote back to Adam and told him she was happy about the baby and that she had always trusted that he would want to share his child a little with her.  She told him that she was glad that he loved his wife and she was honest when she wrote that.  She was happy for Adam but she was privately troubled for herself.

Adam’s son was born on June 20th in Adam and Tracy’s bedroom at the Ponderosa.  He was healthy, strong, and had thick, soft, black hair.  Tracy had had a fairly easy delivery and for this Adam was enormously grateful.

Dr. Paul Martin had retired some time ago but everyone liked his replacement.  When Dr. Jones placed Adam’s son in his arms for the first time, Adam was shocked at the enormity of his love for this child.  He remembered what it had been like when Little Joe was born so many years ago and the almost immediate need that had come over him to always protect Little Joe.  But this was beyond what he had experienced before.  He had come to love this new baby long before his son was even born.

MaryAnn was excited that Adam was coming to San Francisco.  In light of all that was happening to him, she had hardly dared to hope that he would actually come.

But, as excited as MaryAnn was about seeing Adam, she was also saddened because she knew she would never again grant herself permission to sleep with him.  No matter how much her body would ache to once again feel his sweet nakedness against her own, she would stop herself from giving in to that need.

MaryAnn wasn’t being noble.  She would never have willingly stepped aside if Tracy had turned out to be either unworthy of Adam’s love or incapable of appreciating the kind of man he was.  Life was too short and too precious for that.  In fact, MaryAnn never thought she would be willing to give Adam up under any circumstances.  But neither of them had expected Adam’s wife to turn out to be the kind of woman that she was…a sane and self-contained woman with values very much like MaryAnn’s.

MaryAnn had never met Tracy, but she already knew Tracy to be a woman with the ability to rationally use her own mind and that was a characteristic that MaryAnn would always hold in the highest regard.

For all of the years that MaryAnn and Adam had been together, nobody had ever been harmed by their mutual love and physical need for each other.  Even when Adam had married Tracy so he could have the chance of having a child of his own, his new wife had vowed to never withdraw her support of his love for MaryAnn.  MaryAnn now knew that Tracy would always keep that promise to Adam.

But now, there was strong love within Adam’s new family and MaryAnn did not want to jeopardize that.  Not with a woman like Tracy.  Not with a woman who could love Adam as much as MaryAnn.  Not with a woman who could give him so much.  Not with a woman who so deeply valued him.  Not with a woman who would so carefully honor a promise that she had made to him.  Not with a woman who understood the meaning of honor as much as MaryAnn.

It was ultimately MaryAnn’s profound love for Adam that told her it was time for her to give him back to the Ponderosa.  And it was Tracy and not MaryAnn who was now part of the Ponderosa.  Tracy and Adam’s new child and their future children would always be part of the Ponderosa.  They were now a circle of love that melded into the original circle of love that was Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe.

Well, thought MaryAnn, I’m strong.  I can do this.  I can go back to being just his friend.  I’ve always told him that I would never leave him completely and I won’t.  I’ll always be his friend.  I’ve always told him that I would love him forever and I will.  I can’t change that.  But physically I will just have to only be his friend.  I will just have to only be his friend.  This is a choice.  I can do this.

When Adam stepped off the stagecoach in San Francisco and bent slightly to kiss MaryAnn on the cheek, he didn’t give in to the luxury of pulling her into his usual tight embrace.  It was then that she knew that things were different for him too.

MaryAnn didn’t know why she was surprised that Adam had come to the same conclusion as she had.  Neither of them should have been surprised because they had always thought so much alike.  They had independently come to the same conclusion in so many other situations that it was almost laughable to think that they wouldn’t have arrived at the same conclusion on this one.

They spent nearly a week together, sightseeing and going to various plays and operas.  They kept themselves busy and, at night, Adam slept upstairs in what would have been his old room back in Nevada.  His old room back in Nevada that he now shared with his wife, Tracy.

When the day came for Adam to leave to return to Nevada, he hesitantly asked MaryAnn if she wanted him to remove his old hat, black clothes, boots, gun, and gun belt that had resided in MaryAnn’s house since Adam had first come there after the house was built.

MaryAnn fought to hold eye contact with him.  “I’d like to have you leave them here if…if it’s all right with you.”   C’mon, Archer, you can do this.  Don’t you dare cry.  Don’t you dare!

Adam nodded and fought his own battle not to reach out and hold her.

“MaryAnn, I’m so full of love for you that I’m barely holding on here.  I’ve always told you that I would love you forever and I won’t lie to you now and tell you it isn’t true.  To the rest of the world, we are only friends, but please never believe that I don’t love you any more.  Please never believe that, MaryAnn.”

“I won’t, Adam.”

“Please don’t ever…regret loving me, MaryAnn.”

“Oh God, Adam.  Never!  You are my highest ideal and I’ve always been so proud of the love you and I have for each other.  I’ll always be so proud of our love.  For all of my life, Adam, I will love you.”

“MaryAnn, let’s continue to write to each other.  Through…Patty Lou.  There shouldn’t be any harm in that.  I know you’re going to come back and visit Virginia City more than you have in the past , but it won’t be enough for me.  I think it would be all right to continue to write, don’t you?”

“I do.  Let’s always write to each other.”

“Uh…Adam?”

“Yes?”

“You better get your tall body, your adorable grin, your perfect nose, your handsome face, and…and your sweet bones out of here while the gettin’ is good, don’t you think?  I only have so much resolve and good intentions, you know.”

MaryAnn was rewarded with one of Adam’s very best grins before they both stepped out the door to the buggy.

Two years later, 1870

Adam and MaryAnn wrote to each other often.  Adam told her all that was happening in his life and all about the various things going on around Virginia City.  He stopped over to the Archer ranch as often as he could to see MaryAnn’s father.  Jim Archer was beginning to show his age and Adam had to get used to the fact that both MaryAnn’s father and his own father were getting older.

Cody turned two years old in June.  In July, Tracy presented her now 40-year-old husband with another son.  They named him Robert Benjamin, but almost immediately began calling him Bobby.  He also looked like a miniature Adam, who by now was nearly bursting with pride and love for his family.

In August, MaryAnn came back to Virginia City to visit, the first time she had been back in a very long time.  It was no longer easy for her father to travel to San Francisco to visit his much-beloved daughter.  Jim was in relatively good health but had developed a significantly bad knee and now used a cane to get around.  MaryAnn’s sister, Lizzie, had long ago succumbed to a particularly lethal form of pneumonia.

MaryAnn had previously told Adam in her letter that, when she got home, she would ride over to the Ponderosa for a visit.  She had never met Tracy and she felt it was long past time for that to happen.  Adam was as good as his word about sending photographs of his children, but MaryAnn had a need to see them for real.  Adam was delighted that he would soon see her again.

MaryAnn rode her horse over the hill toward the Ponderosa.  At the top of the hill, she directed her horse to the old burned out tree with the white signal rock near its base.  This had been Adam’s and her secret meeting place since they were kids.

MaryAnn dismounted and walked to the base of the tree, dropped to one knee, and searched in the crevice of the tree for their old note jar.  It was still there and she pulled it out.  As she held their old note jar, which still contained its small notepad and stub of a pencil, she nearly dissolved in tears as all of the memories of all of the years washed over her.  Good Lord, life had been so much easier back then.

MaryAnn thrust the note jar back into its hidden crevice and turned away to compose herself before mounting up and riding the rest of the way down the hill to the Ponderosa.

As she approached the ranch house, a little boy about two years old came running out of the house going as fast as his little legs could carry him.  He didn’t get far before Ben overtook him and tossed the little boy up onto his shoulder.  The little boy was giggling and Ben was flushed and laughing.

MaryAnn gave herself a moment to savor the sight of Adam’s son before she stopped her horse at the hitching rail and dismounted.  Cody was only two but he already looked the spittin’ image of Adam.  No chubby child this.  Cody was a slender little boy and his little arms and legs already showed the promise of tall.

Ben was trying to transfer his wiggling grandson from his shoulder to the crook of his arm at the same time he was attempting to greet MaryAnn.  This gave MaryAnn a perfect chance to look directly into little Cody’s eyes.  Her breath caught as she found herself gazing into the hazel-brown eyes of a small version of Adam Cartwright.

As Ben “introduced” little Cody, Cody’s gaze stayed on MaryAnn’s eyes for what seemed an eternity before he shyly turned his head to nestle into Ben’s neck.  Good Lord, when Adam’s child looked at you, he really looked at you.  Just like his father did.

Ben reached his free arm out to draw MaryAnn close to his other side for a warm embrace.  Ben then looked into her eyes and said quietly, “MaryAnn, there is always so much going on at this house these days that there is precious little time for me to say anything privately to you.  Please let me take these few moments to tell you something I have wanted to say to you for a very long time.”

Ben cupped his palm around the back of MaryAnn’s neck and she felt his strength.  “MaryAnn, I didn’t understand for a lot of years about you and Adam, but I want you to know that I do understand now.  I know how very much you loved him and I…I thank you for my grandchildren.”

MaryAnn was startled.  She wondered if Ben understood that it was her love for Adam that fostered within MaryAnn her own need to see Adam’s traits and characteristics live on in his children.  Before she could reply, a woman came dashing out the front door of the house but stopped when she saw MaryAnn.

MaryAnn turned toward Tracy.  So, this is Tracy.  She’s shorter than I am, but Adam already told me that.  She’s pretty, but Adam already told me that about her too.  And she looks happy.  C’mon, Archer, snap out of it.  Move!

MaryAnn didn’t wait for Ben to introduce them.  She stepped quietly toward Tracy and held out her hand.  “Hello, Tracy.  I’m MaryAnn and I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

Tracy automatically reached forward and shook hands with MaryAnn.  It seemed natural enough but, to be honest, most women didn’t shake hands at all.  They just nodded and let it go at that.  Tracy immediately decided that she liked a firm handshake like MaryAnn’s much better than a mere nod of the head.  She also liked the way MaryAnn leaned into the handshake and really looked into Tracy’s eyes.

“So, MaryAnn, I see that you have already met Cody.  Would you like to come in and meet his baby brother?”

There seemed to be no awkwardness and no hesitancy from either Tracy or MaryAnn.  Ben relaxed, then lightly bumped Cody who was still sitting in the crook of his arm.  “Well, how about you and I going to look for your pa?  Do you think he’s in the barn?”

When Adam came into the house a few minutes later, a little out of breath, he found Tracy just transferring Bobby from the day crib to MaryAnn’s lap.  The look on MaryAnn’s face as she gazed at his child was so filled with delight that Adam felt his own heart do a little jerk.  To be the recipient of the love of the two women in front of him, his wife and his friend, nearly overwhelmed him.  Good lord, he was a fulfilled man.

Hoss and Joe came in from mending fence while MaryAnn was still there.  Both were hot and dirty, but Hoss never gave that a thought.  He was so happy to see MaryAnn again that he nearly didn’t remember his own strength as he crushed her to him.  Joe was a little more reserved but, after all, Joe was 11 years younger than MaryAnn and he just didn’t know her on the same level as Hoss and Adam.

Joe soon realized just how nice MaryAnn really was, however, and he surprised himself by telling her that he had just asked Cindy Brown to marry him and he was absolutely sure that Cindy was going to say yes.

Four years later, 1874

Adam’s wife gave birth to a daughter in August.  Like her two brothers before her, Susan was healthy and grew quickly.  Tracy was delighted to see that her daughter’s hair was exactly like her own, light brown in color and very thick.  Susan had Adam’s long legs and his perfect nose.  Everyone agreed that she was going to be a stunner.

Joe’s wife, Cindy, had given birth to another boy the previous year.  With Adam’s two sons and a daughter and Joe’s two sons (Rusty and Scott), the house was rarely quiet.

Adam and MaryAnn continued to write to each other often and MaryAnn came home each summer and always made sure to spend a little time with the whole Cartwright family.

Five years later, 1879

Three years later, 1882

Adam was now 52 years old.  MaryAnn was in the habit of coming home for a couple of weeks every summer and she would always ride her horse over to the Ponderosa for at least one afternoon to visit.

Whenever MaryAnn left the Cartwrights after a visit, Adam would walk her to her horse alone.  Tracy always managed to keep the kids busy in the house until she heard the receding sound of hooves that signaled MaryAnn’s departure.  She liked to make sure that Adam and MaryAnn had a little time just to themselves to talk about things known only to them.

This particular afternoon, there was a comfortable silence between Adam and MaryAnn for a few minutes as they stood at the hitching post.  Adam was enjoying watching the sunlight play across MaryAnn’s hair.  Suddenly, he grinned.

MaryAnn was watching his eyes.  “What?”

Adam started laughing and MaryAnn watched the delightful laugh lines appear at the corners of his eyes.  “What?  Tell me.”

“MaryAnn, did you know that you’re getting…uh…dusty?”

“Dusty?”

“Yep, my love, it looks to me like you’re getting some white among all that red hair of yours.  I just thought the brightness was fading a little over the years but, nope, you’re definitely getting some white hair mixed in there.”

MaryAnn started laughing.  “Well, I guess calling me dusty is about the kindest way you could find to tell me that I’m getting old.”

She then purposely let Adam watch as her eyes slowly climbed from his eyes to the top of his head.  “Have you looked in a mirror lately, Adam.  I mean really looked?”  She couldn’t keep the giggle out of her voice.

Adam’s own eyes fairly danced with enjoyment.  “When did we start getting old, MaryAnn?  I’m going bald and you’re getting white hair.  This can’t be.  You and I still have tree houses to build, don’t we?”

Adam got the effect he wanted.  MaryAnn’s eyes widened in astonishment.

“You sure don’t remember history very well, Adam Cartwright.  I built my only and last tree house with you back when we were kids.  I toiled for weeks with you and those damned Bonner brothers getting that tree house built.  Once the four of us got it completed, you three boys nailed up a sign that said “No Girls Allowed” and wouldn’t let me in.”

Adam’s laughed and his face was soft in memory.  “Well, MaryAnn, you had a right to be mad but, if I remember correctly, you didn’t stay mad very long.  I seem to remember you showing up at the tree house a couple of days later with a big load of freshly baked cookies.  I guess you were trying to entice us into letting you in.  I was starting to waver but, you know the Bonners, they insisted it had to be only us boys.  I do remember those cookies of yours tasted wonderful though.”

MaryAnn cocked an eyebrow ever so slightly at Adam as she mounted her horse.  “Adam, love of mine, I never expected you boys would relent and let me in.  I…I guess I never told you what…what I put in those cookies, did I?”

MaryAnn swiftly spun her horse around and was already into a full gallop before the startled look on Adam’s face turned to a look of disgust.

The following year, 1883

It was April and Adam stepped into The Silver Spoon Cafe and greeted Patty Lou.  The wind was blowing gritty dust throughout the streets of Virginia City and Patty Lou’s cafe was a welcome refuge.

“Joe tells me you wanted to see me, Patty Lou.  I didn’t expect to hear from MaryAnn for another week or two.”

Like Adam, Patty Lou kept her voice low enough so nobody else could hear. “ How about coming to my house in about an hour, Adam?  I do have a letter for you from MaryAnn but I’d like to talk to you about something first.”

Adam nodded and turned to leave.  “That gives me plenty of time to get the supplies loaded.  I’ll see you at your house in a little while.”

Later, when Adam was comfortably seated on Patty Lou’s living room couch, he began to sense that something was wrong.  Whatever Patty Lou had to tell him, she was obviously having a difficult time getting started on it.  Adam noticed the strained look on her face and he had the distinct feeling that she had been crying.

“Adam, MaryAnn asked me to make you promise that you would stay here with me for a little while after you read her letter.  She has bad news and she wants you safe.  Do you promise me that you will?”

Adam felt the muscles in his torso tighten, as if involuntarily preparing himself for an impact.  “Of course.  Yes.  I said I’d stay!”  Adam’s voice had gone hoarse.

Partway into MaryAnn’s letter, Adam had involuntarily risen to stand.  His muscles had tightened and the pupils of his eyes had constricted.  Unconsciously, his body was preparing him to fight whatever battle he needed to fight.  But there were no battle lines to draw.  There was no enemy to vanquish.  By the time Adam had finished reading, his knees had buckled and everything around him had turned an odd shade of gray.  All of the color had washed out of the room.

As he fell to one knee, he was vaguely aware that Patty Lou’s hand was on his shoulder.  He was breathing in short, sharp breaths and he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.  He could feel Patty Lou and he could hear her quiet sobbing beside him but somehow she seemed off in the distance.  He finally was able to draw in a deep breath and the grayness began to clear and color gradually came back into the room.  He rose to shakily stand a few minutes, then abruptly sat back down again on the couch.

Patty Lou left him briefly to send someone to find Joe.  Joe drove the buckboard home with Adam sitting beside him.  When they arrived home, Joe insisted that Adam stay in the barn while he broke the news to their family.

Ben came out to the barn and it was obvious to him that Adam had been crying.  He put his arm around Adam’s shoulder, then drew his grown son into a full embrace.

Adam and MaryAnn wrote to each other every day.  A month later, MaryAnn’s letters began to falter.  Ignoring her protests, Adam arrived at her house in San Francisco.  MaryAnn’s old friends and employees, Henry and Alice, were on hand to take care of any medical needs and to keep MaryAnn comfortable and her house running smoothly.  MaryAnn, however, was weakening at an alarming rate.

In spite of MaryAnn’s earlier request that Adam not come to San Francisco, it was Adam she needed.  She needed him to distract her from the pain and to soothe her soul.  In the next two weeks, they talked and laughed about all of the things they had done together over all of the years.  They particularly laughed about the time they had talked their way into Goldie’s whorehouse back when they were still kids.  It hadn’t been amusing at the time but, as most memories do, this one got funnier and funnier each year in the telling.

They talked about many things, but mostly they talked about how much they loved each other.  Adam told MaryAnn that he would always miss her, that he would never stop loving her, and that he couldn’t imagine how desolate his life would have been if she had not “come along” into his life.

“MaryAnn, I’m a tall, strong man but you always made me feel even taller and stronger, and so…proud.”

“You have a steady, heroic nature about you, Adam, and I was always glad that I was so clearly able to see that.  I worshipped that part of you.  I loved all of you but I worshipped that part above all else.”

Adam propped his back against the footboard of their bed, facing her so he could watch the delight on her face as he played his guitar and sang soft songs to her.

He read stories to her from their favorite books, sometimes lying propped up beside her at the head of the bed and sometimes propped with his back against the footboard of the bed facing her.

Adam slept with MaryAnn every night and was careful not to roll too close lest she cry out in pain.  He wanted to stay near so she could reach out for him when she most needed his comfort and solace.  She needed to be able just to touch him.  She needed to know that he was there.

And one morning, MaryAnn quietly slipped away.

A Month Later

Adam and Little Joe were still at the dinner table, having a second cup of coffee after a hard day.  Dinner had been very late because there had been so much work to do on the ranch that particular day.  Ben had moved to his desk to work a little more on the hated chore of keeping the books up.  Adam’s three children and Joe’s two children were already in bed for the night.  Tracy and Joe’s wife, Cindy, were in the kitchen, getting things cleaned up and organized.

Adam had been understandably somber since MaryAnn’s death and Joe thought he understood the pain that Adam must be feeling.  Suddenly, Adam said, “This is wrong.  This is just wrong.”

Joe looked at Adam, expecting to see the sadness still reflected in his eyes.  Instead, he was surprised to see a grin tugging at the corners of Adam’s mouth and a devilish look in his eye.

Before Joe could ask Adam what was wrong, Adam raised his eyes to Joe.

“Joe, let’s you and I go riding early in the morning.  I want to sight in my rifle and do a little plinkin’.  You game?  I’d like to have you come with me.”

Joe was surprised but readily agreed.  “What’re you up to, Adam?  You look like a man with a plan.”

Adam let his canyon grin show for the first time in months.  “You’ll find out in the morning, Joe.  I…I think you’re going to enjoy this.”

The next morning, bright and early and long before anyone else was out of bed, Joe saddled both his and Adam’s horses while Adam gathered some tin cans and other targets in a large sack to take with them.  As they rode along, Adam’s mood became almost jovial.  He seemed to be thinking about something very amusing but, whatever it was, he kept it to himself.

When they arrived at the bluff they always used as a backdrop for target shooting, they both dismounted and checked their guns.  “I’ll go first, Joe.  I’ve been waiting too long for this.”

Joe shot a puzzled look toward Adam.  “What are you talking about?  We come plinkin’ all the time.”

A laugh bubbled all the way up from Adam’s toes as he dug into the huge sack, withdrew a delicate-looking, rosy-flowered, thimble-sized coffee cup, threw it high into the air, smoothly drew his pistol, and cleanly shot the offensive cup to smithereens.

Joe stood transfixed.  “Uh, Adam.  Are you…all right?”

Adam chuckled as he withdrew the matching saucer that went with the offensive cup.  He threw it into the air, took careful aim, and then efficiently put it out of its misery as well.  He then sailed the matching dinner plate into the air and his laugh was deep and sweet as his bullet spun the plate around before the plate splintered into hundreds of small pieces that rained down upon the rocky ground.

Joe was caught between horror and delight.  “Damn, Adam!  Those were my mother’s dishes, you know.  Uh…Pa’s going to kill you.”

Adam walked to Joe and put his hand on Joe’s shoulder.

“Joe, I know these dishes belonged to your mother.  That’s why I only shot mine.  Tell me.  Honestly.  Do you like these damned dishes?  If you do, I won’t shoot any more of them.  Except for Hoss’s.  I am going to shoot Hoss’s for him.  He would want that.”

Green eyes looked up into hazel-brown.

“Adam, even as a kid, I hated these girly dishes.  They are an embarrassment to the Cartwright name.  I…I didn’t know you hated them, too.  I thought I was the only one.  Uh, Adam, what are we going to do about Pa?  Pa is not going to like this.”

Adam left eyelid slid into a wink.  “Hell with Pa, Joe.  It’s long past time for these things to be helped out of this world.  Some things are wrong, and these …these things are the worst kind of wrong.”

Joe’s high-pitched cackle joined Adam’s low chuckle as they both reached for the sack at the same time.  I wonder if it's too late to teach Joe to laugh like a man, thought Adam.

Adam stood to one side and watched as a delighted Joe first shot his own cup, then his saucer, and finally his plate.  Adam grinned with pride when Joe scored with the first bullet each time.

Adam then reached into the sack and came out with another cup, saucer, and plate.

“For Hoss, Joe.  You shoot his plate, then I’ll shoot his saucer, then we’ll both shoot his cup at the same time.”

And they did.

Adam closed his eyes for a minute and an image of a laughing, thoroughly pleased Hoss came floating into his mind.

Adam and Joe were having so much fun, it didn’t take them long to blast all of the remaining dishes in the sack into the middle of never.

As they rode back to the house, still laughing, they spotted Ben waiting for them.  Adam turned to Joe, “Now remember, we both did this.”

Ben barely waited for them to dismount before he yelled in anger, “Where in tarnation have you two been?  And WHAT have you done with all of the dishes?”

Adam turned to Joe to form a united front, but found that Joe had taken a step backward and was now suddenly very interested in attending to a stirrup.  Damn.  Some things never change.

Adam shot what he hoped was a disarming grin at Ben.  “Aw, Pa.  We were just out righting a terrible wrong.  In the name of justice, we just had to shoot all those sissy cups and…and all their sissy relatives.”

At the incredulous look on Ben’s face, Adam rushed on.  “Uh…how about we take the whole family into Virginia City for some breakfast?  And…and Joe and I will buy some new dishes.  We’ll be happy to buy new dishes, Pa.  But…but we get to choose what they look like this time.  Joe and I.  And…and Hoss.   Joe and I are going to choose ones that Hoss would have liked too.”

Ben looked into the grinning face of his tall handsome firstborn and knew that Adam was going to be all right.  Ben caught Little Joe’s eye and he nodded his silent thanks to his youngest child for his part in helping his oldest brother find his way back to level ground.

Ben watched as Adam and Joe led their horses toward the barn.  He couldn’t be sure but he thought they were arguing.  They both were swinging their arms out as if trying to convince the other one of something.  Ben caught only a few words of the first sentence before his boys drifted into the barn.

Joe was saying something that sounded like, “Well, that went better than I expected.”

Adam answered, “Considering that you didn’t jump in to help, yeah, I would say it went real well.”

Joe suddenly grabbed Adam’s arm and shook it in excitement.  “No, Adam.  You don’t understand.  Think of the…the possibilities.”

“For what?”

“Adam, c’mon, you can’t tell me that you actually like that candy-assed, too-short-for-any-of-us, hard-as-a-rock, sissy-pink, striped settee.”

Candy-assed?   “Joe, even the word settee makes my teeth itch.  Now, the word couch has a certain masculine ring to it, don’t you think?  Leather, maybe?  You like leather, don’t you?”

“Perfect, Adam.  Then, every time you or I get shot or maimed again, we could just wash the blood off instead of Pa having to pay someone to cover over all the bloodstains with new satin all the time.  It would save him a ton of money in the long run.”

Adam rested his arm on Joe’s shoulder and his voice dropped to a conspiratorial level.  “Joe, this is going to require some serious planning.”

EPILOG 

MaryAnn had told Adam that she never wanted to be “in the ground”.  She wanted to be cremated and have her ashes scattered.  She liked the idea of being free.  She had asked him if she could be scattered on the Ponderosa and they both had agreed that their private cove by the lake would be perfect.  She had asked him if he was strong enough to do this for her and he had assured her that he would be. 

Adam scattered MaryAnn’s ashes up near the trees overlooking the sunny cove at the lake where they had loved each other for so long.  He told no one.  He needed that cove to remain his and MaryAnn’s private place. 

For the rest of his life, Adam would occasionally ride quietly away by himself and go to the cove at the lake where he would sit for hours with his back up against a boulder.  He felt close to MaryAnn in this place and he let all of the sweet memories he had of her soothe him until his loneliness for her was once again bearable.

MaryAnn had put her money where her heart was.  Her will stipulated that her house and property in San Francisco were to go to her old friends, Henry and Alice.  Other property that she had been holding was sold and the proceeds went to her father and to Patty Lou to pay off Patty Lou’s cafe.

Adam was astonished at the large amount of money MaryAnn bequeathed equally to both him and Joe from her various bank accounts.  She wrote a little note in the will that stated that she wanted them to use the money however they saw fit to help raise the next generation of Cartwrights.

About a year after MaryAnn died, Adam rode his horse to their old signal rock by the burned-out tree and retrieved their note jar.  He had seen his and Joe’s kids riding up that way a few days earlier.  He didn’t want anyone to discover his and MaryAnn’s old note jar, so he took it home and put it away.  The next generation of Cartwrights needed to make their own memories, not discover and wonder about his.

Adam never lost the habit of glancing up at the old signal rock as he passed on his way to and from Virginia City.  This had become a habit that had become so deeply engrained over the years that he couldn’t have changed it even if he had wanted to.

References and Acknowledgements:

The song “MaryAnn” comes from the CD, Pernell Roberts Sings Come All Ye Fair.

THE END

August, 2003

Revised:  January, 2004